Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm always down for nudity.
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