Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
These tits shall not be calmed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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