she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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