It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
