You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
