I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
