I think my vagina is haunted
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
