How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
