Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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