So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
