I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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