I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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