when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
