i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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