we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
