You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
