Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
