I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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