i permit you to call me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize