Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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