I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
