the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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