Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
