I'm going to jail i love you
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
