The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
