how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
