I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
