i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She announced her abortion via fbk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
