I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
