If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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