If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
