so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
