matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
