Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
