I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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