My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize