WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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