the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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