so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
