You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
