what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
