I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
