you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
