mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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