If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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