My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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