Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
