Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
