I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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