just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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