I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
how does that bad decision feel?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
