Moan for me like Helen Keller
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
