I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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