I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
