is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
40s are totally the cure
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's get the cat blown out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
