Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
