Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
