Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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