I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
