The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
