you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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