I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
