So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
