similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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